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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

July 17, 2009

A Joke…

A man in a hot air balloon, realizing he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended further and shouted to the lady "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am" 

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." 

"You must be in I.T . ," said the balloonist. 

"Actually I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" 

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." 

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." 

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" 

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault!"

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June 23, 2009

Apple’s MobileMe Helps Owner find “lost” iPhone

I am about as hardcore of a Microsoft/Windows fan as you can get. I love the company and the products, but I can also recognize when someone has made a great product,  and Apple has done that. The iPhone is a fantastic device, and with the release of the 3.0 firmware, it has gotten even better, and Kevin (www.happywaffle.com) has found this out first hand.

Kevin and some friends went to have a drink at a bar after a Lego convention (yea, he is THAT awesome), but unfortunately, left his precious iPhone behind when they left. Like any good (and by good I mean addicted) phone user, Kevin noticed his error very quickly, but by the time he got back to the bar, his phone was gone. Of course, Kevin was bummed, but then it came to him, not only did Kevin have an iPhone, but he had set up the “Locate your iPhone” feature on apples MobileMe! And so Kevin’s journey (hunt) began.

Multiple unanswered texts, several ignored calls, some luck, and a high speed chase brisk walk through a crowded urban neighborhood, and Kevin, with friends, was able to track down the person who *found* Kevin’s phone! And while I don't necessarily recommend chasing down bad guys, you can help but cheer on Kevin.

Read the full tale on Kevin’s rarely updated blog. 

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April 2, 2009

Dear Warranty Services…

Today has been a day full of fun with telemarketers. Now, normally, I simply answer the phone and let them know I am not interested. I scam_alert_big know the guy on the other line is just trying to earn a pay check, so I’m not about to start screaming at them. But this is getting ridiculous (well for my co-workers, I find it hilarious). I missed a couple of their calls yesterday because I was on the other line, but I made sure I was ready today.

The Number that has been calling so far is: (571) 431-1262
They Claim to be from Warranty Cervices, which is a well known Scam

Call 1(this was to my work cell): 11:36 am
*blahblahblah press 1 to talk to a sales person*
Girl Caller: Thank you for responding to your final notice, to ensure accurate information, can you please confirm the year, make and model of your vehicle? 
Me: How do you know the warranty is expired if you don't have the car’s info?
*Click* call ends

Call 2 (co-worker1’s work cell): 12:42p
*blahblahblah press 1 to talk to a sales person*
Girl Caller: Thank you for responding to your final notice, to ensure accurate information, can you please confirm the year, make and model of your vehicle? 
Me: Thanks for calling about this. Is this for the Bentley or the BMW?
Girl Caller:*sounds excited* What year is your BMW sir?
Me: So this is for the BMW? I thought the Bentley was the one out of Warranty?
Girl Caller: “uhhh…*click*

Call 3 (my personal cell): 12:47p
*blahblahblah press 1 to talk to a sales person*
Guy Caller:
Thank you for responding to your final notice, to ensure accurate information, can you please confirm the year, make and model of your vehicle?
Me: I’m sorry, who was this?
Guy Caller: Warranty Services
Me: And your name?
Guy Caller: Rick
Me: Rick, may I have your corporate office’s number please?
Guy Caller: I cant give that to you, I’m sorry.
Me: No problem, may I speak with your supervisor?
*Click*

Call 4: (co-worker2’s cell phone) 1:01pm
*blahblahblah press 1 to talk to a sales person*
Girl Caller: Thank you for responding to your final notice, to ensure accurate information, can you please confirm the year, make and model of your vehicle? 
Me: I’m sorry, I didn't catch your name
Girl Caller: “Mu…mu…My Name?”
Me: Yea, so I know who I’m talking to
*click*

You would think these people would have more persistence, but nope, one question and they crack. Oh well, hopefully they call more, this is getting fun.

As always people, think before you give out your information. If someone calls and asks for your info, its probably a scam. Ask where they are from, and ask for a call back number. Then, if it is someone you do business with, go find their corporate number, and call that to get back in touch.

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January 29, 2009

Tracking you down by your IP Address

I am a huge fan of crime dramas on TV. Shows like CSI and NCIS are 2 of a short list of things I actually make sure I watch on TV (House MD, is another...but that has nothing to do with this post). But one of my biggest pet peeves when watching these shows is that every single time anyone does anything on a computer that is remotely criminal, the "tech" of the team hops on to their computer and with a few key strokes has tracked down this person using their IP address, and has a map to their house all laid out on their screen in a matter of seconds. So today I wanted to clarify a little on what is and is not possible as far as tracking down people by their IP address.

The first thing we need to talk about are the 2 basic categories of IP addresses. IP addresses are categorized into 2 groups, Public IP addresses, and Private IP addresses. Private IP addresses are essentially a block of possible IP addresses that are used on internal networks (i.e. networks not directly reachable on the Internet) Every computer in your home that is connected to a router or hardware firewall is using a private IP address, as are the vast majority of computers and servers in the work place. Then how are you able to get to the Internet? well, your router (or the router in your work place) has a Public IP address. IP addresses are limited in supply, and because there is a finite number of them, it wouldn't make sense to give every computer one, so routers are designed to take 1 public IP and allow dozens, or even hundreds of computers to use private IP addresses and on the Internet appear as a single public IP through a technology known as NAT. This can be somewhat confusing, so Ill get to the point. If you are being tracked down by your IP, it will be by your public IP address, not your private IP.

Next we need to talk about how IP addresses are assigned to people and companies. Public IPs are assigned both statically (where the same person has the same IP all the time) and dynamically (where the IP changes on a somewhat regular basis). Most businesses use static IP addresses. This means when they sign up for their Internet connection, they are given an IP address and they continue to use that one until their ISP says otherwise. They do this so businesses can set up things like servers or remote connections to their office without trouble, the IP doesn't change, so its basically easier to find them on the Internet. Home Internet connections on the other hand are assigned IP addresses dynamically. This is done because it is much easier to maintain and support that static IP addresses, and because home users don't really have a need for a static IP address.

So now we have a basic understanding of what kinds of IP addresses are available, and how they are assigned. Now for the real question: Can you be tracked by your IP. The answer is YES....BUT, and this is an important but, its not as easy as it looks on TV.

While a business with a Static IP address is actually relatively easy to find using one of many GEO IP databases available for free or paid subscriptions (the paid ones tend to be far more accurate). But even these are frequently wrong if the IP isn't registered properly. So if you did something at work, a person may be able to track your company down pretty quick, but that would be the end of the trace, and in most cases, the address they get is the billing address for the company, which is usually a central office.

Home users (with dynamic addresses) are a whole other story. If you were to track down an IP address that is assigned dynamically, the best you are going to do is get the ISP and MAYBE the city it is coming from (right now my IP is listed as being in Chicago...I'm in Hawaii) so in 30 seconds law enforcement will not be tracking me down by my IP address. BUT they can still track me, and this is how.

  1. The agency trying to tack me would get my IP address
  2. They would see who the registered owner of my IP is (my ISP)
  3. Assuming they have cause, they would go to my ISP and ask who was assigned my IP address on a specific date
  4. The ISP can then reference their logs (and yes, they keep logs and are required to do so by law) see which account was accessing that IP address at a given time
  5. Your ISP now just checks the address listed on your account (and also the name) and hands it over.

No depending on the ISP and their motivation (i.e. who's asking for it) this could take a few minutes (this is a highly optimistic time frame under the assumption that the people looking for you have direct access to the logs and the ISP is highly cooperative) or a few days. (much more likely for most low risk cases like copyright infringement)

The problems with tracking people by their IP:

  1. The most you will get from an IP alone is the registered owner and billing address.
  2. Even if you get to the location, you don't know who was actually on the computer (which is my groups like the RIAA resort to threats at first hoping for a settlement. Gathering the real info needed to accuse a specific person takes a lot more time and energy then sending a canned threat to the registered user of an IP)
  3. Using things like Proxies make this tracking significantly harder, because the IP the person trying to track you sees, is not really the IP you are connected to. A proxy is essentially a middle man in an Internet connection that you router all traffic through to mask your actual IP info. So the address the people see, is the proxies, not the real one being used. To get the real IP, you need to get the logs from the proxy server and see what the real one is. Many proxies used for illegal activity are outside of US jurisdiction, typically in countries who aren't too big on cooperating with us, or are placed unknowingly on random peoples computer via a virus.

So now you now what can and can't be done with an IP address. What you see on TV is based in fact, but like most things on TV, is made to look much cooler and easier than it actually is.

Fun Fact: The IP address that are shown on most TV shows are not valid IP address. Unlike phone numbers (which have a defined block that can be used on TV so that people don't call them and bother others) IP addresses don't have this, so people just make them up. A real IP address looks like this: 74.125.19.104 (this is  one of Google's in case you are wondering) Each Octet (the sections separated by the .) will contain a number ranging from 1 - 255 and that's all, so the next time you see one on TV that looks like this: 413.295.8.004, you know its fake. This is done, so people don't try connecting to the IP address being shown, although, I'm not sure why they just don't use a private IP instead of a fake one.

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December 1, 2007

20 Horrible Habits of Clients

Working in the IT field, we run into problem after problem, and many times the computers aren't the ones who cause it. Apparently our friends the web designers run into similar issues. You the Designer has posted a list of 20 Horrible Habits of Clients


1. Wanting Great Designs for Cheap Prices

Because everyone seems to have Photoshop and know a designer nowadays, many clients tend to have a bad idea of what design is worth. While it can be OK to have low prices when you are starting out, when you are confident enough and your work is good enough you should come up with prices that make it worth your time.

Many clients also try to outsource their projects to India and other places where designers work for rock bottom prices, but you need to stick behind your work and hold out for those clients who know what you are worth. Let them know why you are the best choice!

4. Not Planning out the Project Upfront

I find it extremely important to plan out a project as much as possible before starting work. Even if they have a tight deadline make it clear the project must be fully planned out before you begin. After all meetings and discussions are done write up an estimate listing all of the details of the project and your prices and terms.

19. Lack of Research & Planning

Sometimes clients want a website or some other project done, but they have absolutely no idea what’s going on. By this I mean they have done no research or planning before hand, but still want a complicated website that’s easy to update.

This makes things extremely difficult for designers because we have to explain every last detail several times for clients. While helping clients is our job there are some clients who really need to go back to the start and do more research on what they are getting themselves into.


Check out You the Designer for the rest of the 20 Horrible Habits of Clients

Also check out my Post on 10 things your IT guy wants you to know

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